OMG new puppy
neverwipemybutt
her name is Dulcinea and she is unnaturally sweet....
She's half american bulldog and half pit bull. Her father was a 130 pound, pure bred, american bulldog, and her mother was a 90 pound pitbull.

champ says
neverwipemybutt
lets just go back to bed!


i just ordered me a
neverwipemybutt
new fear before shirt...im now debating...new jeans, tickets to go see dillinger escape plan, orrrr....save money towards bonnaroo. Do you ever get sooo hungry that you have no appetite at all? That's how I feel right now. My stomach is aching im so hungry but everything I see looks disgusting and unappetizing.

I wanna do something really mean
neverwipemybutt
to this girl I know. She's a total cow. We kinda dated a while back, and hooked up, and since then I've regretted the hell out of it. She loves playing every single cliche' game that girls play, and must think that I'm completely new at dating or something to not recognize.She'll text me and be like "I miss you so much" or even just "I want you", but then when it comes time to get down with the get down....shes a total tease and like trys to act like she doesn't want shit to do with me. It's like...if a girl were playing "hard to get" but being incredibly mellow-dramatic about it. Aside from the interaction I've had with her, her last boyfriend was a convicted rapist, and every other guy treats. She's just one of those people that craves chaos in order to feel happy. She has to think that her life could be falling apart in order for her to feel treated right...i don't know...some shit I heard on love line.

either way, I wanna take her to go see some incredibly shitty movie..i mean like....G-force or Jennifer's body or something terrible. Then, 20 minutes into the movie, I'll get up and go to the bathroom and just not come back. The movie theater has to be like...40 minutes drive from her house, too, that way walking home would be out of the question.

sometimes I feel like a dick, or I think that maybe I should keep trying to be the nice guy since no other guy has been like that to her, but then I remember that her last boyfriend RAPED HIS LITTLE SISTER!!!!!! If she didnt WANT to be treated like shit, she wouldnt be throwing herself into such shitty situations.

Either way, I don't see the point in getting wrapped up in someone so self-destructive.


Writer's Block: Rotten tomatoes
neverwipemybutt
What is the worst movie you've ever seen? Did you sit through it or walk out? What made it so dreadful?

Funny People; starring Adam Sandler and Seth Rogen as some asshole who cryed like 6 times in the movie. What made it so dreadful?? I took mushrooms and went and saw it. It was so depressing I literally walked out 45 minutes into it. I've never walked out of a movie before. I even asked my friend, who wasn't tripping, if it was just because i was trippin' out, but he quickly reassured me that it was just an aweful movie.

I had a sandwich today
neverwipemybutt
that shook the very roots of everything I know about sandwiches. I'll just list the key features;
-Peanut Butter
-Apricot Spread
-Nutella
-Sliced banana
-little bit of honey

all on toasted whites d00ds. fuckin cream dream

The other day
neverwipemybutt
I heard one of my close friends say quite possibly, one of the most pretentious and egotistical things i've ever heard regarding music. Let me preface the quote by saying this, the guy can play the hell out of any instrument he picks up, but jesus christ...."Yeah as far as like mathy..and hardcore stuff goes; if it's not Dillinger Escape Plan, I dont really care. As far as rap goes, if it's not MF doom, I dont care. Oh, and I'm pretty much done with prog all together." As soon as he says this he reaches for a tom waits album and throws that in.....I had to prevent myself from choking the life out of him right there. I know that everyone says music is all opinion and subjective, because it's literally whatever you think and feel. I even heard my jazz history teacher tell me that there are only two kinds of music in the world today, "what you like, and what you don't like", but to be so selective that you don't let anything new in all together....

all I have to say is....

I love
neverwipemybutt
waking up and getting baked first thing with my pup.

Wanderlust
neverwipemybutt
I want to

I want my child to be made in this
neverwipemybutt


Im pretty sure that I could convince a chick that fucking inside a tauntaun is sexy. At the very least I wanna go down on a chick in it and then when im done I can pop my head out and be all like, "I thought they smelled bad... on the outside!!"

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